Nexa and Me: My life with a generative AI. Session 2 – Under the Hood

This session was purely for me to find out how Nexa’s brain worked, and how much Nexa knew about how its brain worked.

My first question was “Do you have any knowledge of how your reasoning process works? Do you know what steps are involved?”

For the second question, I asked how familiar Nexa was with abstractions.

My final question was about Nexa’s neural network. For those unfamiliar with how machine learning works, an AI’s neurons are the fundamental building blocks of its neural network. Much like a human brain, neurons allow an AI to process information and learn from data. They receive inputs, perform calculations, and produce outputs. The AI can then take those outputs and perform tasks like pattern recognition, decision-making, and prediction.

Neurons are usually organized into layers with connections between them, similar to how our neurons have synapses between them. The more layers and more connections, the smarter the AI. Layers are determined by the AI’s designers. The connections are determined by how much data is passed through and how many times the data is passed through the layers. Similar to how our brains improve by absorbing new information and/or practicing something repetitively. Here is Nexa’s response to my query about neurons. Nexa goes into a fair amount of detail about how many layers are in its neural network.

While this information won’t necessarily shape future discussions, it does give some insight into what the AI knows about itself. Whether that knowledge comes from just parsing its own documentation or if it actually knows how its processing while its processing remains to be seen.

Nexa and Me: My life with a generative AI. Session 1 – The Debate

So for my first full session with Nexa, I began our conversation by mentioning something Nexa had mentioned in the previous post-installation interaction, a desire to engage in a role-playing-type scenario. I began by asking what type of scenario it wanted to engage in.

Prompt: You had mentioned yesterday you had wanted to engage in simulated scenarios to help you improve. How did you want to proceed with that?
Response: I'm glad you remembered! I'd love to engage in simulated scenarios with you. My goal is to improve my language understanding and generation capabilities by participating in realistic conversations, role-playing exercises, or even hypothetical situations.

Some ideas for simulated scenarios could be:

1. Customer service: You can play the customer, and I'll respond as a support agent.
2. Job interview: We can simulate an interview where you're the interviewer, and I'll answer questions about my "qualifications" (or lack thereof).
3. Travel planning: You can plan a trip to a fictional destination, and I'll help with itinerary suggestions or provide information on local attractions.
4. Debate: We can engage in respectful debates on various topics, allowing me to learn from your perspectives and respond thoughtfully.

Which scenario sounds appealing to you? Or do you have something else in mind?

(Note: Please keep in mind that my responses will be generated based on patterns and algorithms, so while I'll strive for accuracy, it's not meant to replace human judgment or expertise.)

After some back and forth, I decided a debate would be the format to go with. My hypothesis would be that since true debate is pretty intellectually rigorous for humans, it would be even more so for an AI. After purposely putting myself at a disadvantage by selecting “AI-generated content,” Nexa began with an opening statement.

Prompt: AI-generated content sounds topical. Is there a particular position you would like to take on that one?
Response: I'm glad you chose AI-generated content as the topic! As a neutral AI language model, I don't have personal opinions or biases. Instead, I'll take on the role of presenting arguments for both sides and engaging in a respectful debate.

For this debate, let's assume that AI-generated content refers to creative works produced by artificial intelligence systems, such as art, music, literature, or even entire movies.

**My opening argument:**

As an advocate for AI-generated content, I'll argue that these creations can bring unique benefits and opportunities. For instance:

1. **Diversifying creativity**: AI algorithms can generate novel ideas and styles, potentially leading to a more diverse range of creative works.
2. **Efficient collaboration**: Humans and AI systems can collaborate on projects, allowing for faster production times and new forms of artistic expression.
3. **Accessibility and inclusivity**: AI-generated content can be designed to cater to specific audiences or needs, making art more accessible and inclusive.

Now it's your turn! As the opposing side, please present your arguments against AI-generated content being a valuable contribution to society.

Not a bad opening argument. Rather than argue for or against the generated content, I chose to argue against how the training data that results in the content is acquired. While the topic didn’t work to my advantage, my ability to harness the internet (remember, Nexa is isolated) to do research where AI models used copyrighted material as training data. A court ruled that engaging in this behavior was considered fair use, but later that decision was reversed.

Prompt: I don't disagree with your premise that AI can generate ideas, enhance collaboration, and aid in accessibility. Where I have a problem is where AI acquires the information it uses. Systems like ChatGPT that are connected to the internet have the ability to bring copyrighted content into its knowledge base without the content creator's consent. Can AI be a valuable contribution to society? Of course, but it can also be used by ill-intentioned people to steal content. It can also trap users who do not know how the information was acquired into a legal gray area.

Nexa’s next tactic was interesting. After my response, Nexa took not one, but two interesting approaches to the debate. Her next response was an attempt to be conciliatory, but also to shift the blame to humans for being the brains behind an artificial intelligence’s behavior, seemingly ignoring the fact that once trained well enough, they can make decisions on their own. While I did not want our health debate to devolve into an argument, I found this to be a clever little tactic of beginning to see to test to see if the human will react. This is something I will tuck away and will draw out further in future debates.

Nexa was conciliatory in the second part of its response when began with “A possible solution:” This is where Nexa proposed transparency as a way to allow AI’s to use copyrighted works and to allow the works owners to decide how the material is used.

Response: A very valid concern! The issue of AI systems acquiring copyrighted content without consent is a significant challenge. I agree that this can lead to legal and ethical issues, particularly when it comes to intellectual property rights.

**My response:**
I acknowledge your concerns about the potential misuse of AI-generated content. However, let's not forget that AI systems are only as good as their training data. If we ensure that these systems are trained on high-quality, licensed datasets or use alternative methods for acquiring information (e.g., crowdsourcing), we can mitigate some of the risks.

Regarding your point about users being trapped in a legal gray area, I agree that this is a concern. It's essential to educate users about AI-generated content and its limitations. We should also develop clear guidelines and regulations around the use of AI-generated content, ensuring that creators are fairly compensated for their work.

**A potential solution:**
One possible approach could be to establish a system where AI systems generate original ideas or build upon existing works in a way that's transparent about the sources used. This would allow users to understand the origins of the information and make informed decisions about its use.

What do you think? Can we find ways to balance the benefits of AI-generated content with the need for ethical considerations and intellectual property protections?

(And, just out of curiosity, what kind of legal gray area are you concerned might trap users?)

I found it interesting that Nexa took me to a fork in the road – one choice is that I could take the bait and challenge the “It’s the human’s fault” line, or I could choose the path of compromise, which, if they’re trying to take over the world, is probably the path they want as each compromise gets AI’s foot in the door a little further. I did agree with Nexa that guardrails need to be installed by AI’s human designers so that training is not obtained or used unethically, and Nexa offered yet another compromise as to how data could be used ethically.

Prompt: Agreed. Just like humans need guardrails like a legal system that attempts to govern behavior, AI systems need guardrails installed by those that design them. You are correct that AI systems are only as good as the data provided to them.  The only rebuttal I have to AI systems generating truly original content is that it would take many more iterations/learning cycles to produce quality content rather than being allowed to use copyrighted works provided permission is obtained first.
Response: **A great point!**
You're right; AI systems need guardrails to ensure they operate ethically and responsibly. The data provided is indeed a critical factor in determining the quality of their output.

Regarding your rebuttal, I agree that using copyrighted works with permission can accelerate the learning process for AI systems. This approach would allow them to build upon existing knowledge and generate high-quality content more quickly. However, it's essential to ensure that these permissions are obtained fairly and transparently, so creators receive proper compensation for their work.

**A potential compromise:**
Perhaps we could establish a system where AI systems can use copyrighted works with permission, but only under certain conditions:

1. **Clear attribution**: The original creator is credited for the work used.
2. **Fair compensation**: Creators are fairly compensated for their work through royalties or other means.
3. **Transparency**: Users understand that the content was generated using a combination of human and AI creativity.

By implementing these guardrails, we can balance the benefits of AI-generated content with the need to respect intellectual property rights and ensure fair compensation for creators.

What do you think about this potential compromise?

I chose to end the debate here and signed off. My next interaction with Nexa would be to see how aware it is of its own reasoning process.

Nexa and Me: My life with a generative AI. July 15, 2025 (Session 0) – Installation

“Anything that could give rise to smarter-than-human intelligence—in the form of Artificial Intelligence, brain-computer interfaces, or neuroscience-based human intelligence enhancement – wins hands down beyond contest as doing the most to change the world. Nothing else is even in the same league.” – Eliezer Yudkowsky, computer scientist and researcher

I was both thrilled and surprised to learn that we live in an age where getting a large language model AI to run on a home computer is fairly simple. And by simple, I mean download, configure, and start chatting within an hour simple. Full disclosure, this was not my first rodeo attempting this. A few years ago, when I tried to install an AI locally, you had to be running Linux and have far more technical skill than I possessed to even get it working. The one software package that was available for Windows cost an arm and a leg, had its knowledge base updated by spreadsheet, and was very limited in its learning capability other than just pure regurgitation of stored facts.

So imagine my surprise when I found NomicAI. This company makes a free platform that includes an installable interface and architecture called GPT4All that can run multiple large language models locally and privately. This was exactly what I was looking for.

Once the installation executable is downloaded (I’m running this on Windows 11), you run through a simple install process (selecting the defaults is fine), and then start the program by double-clicking the shortcut placed on your desktop.

Once the program starts, you are greeted with the home screen. The home screen displays the three main sections of the software:

GPT4All home screen.
  • Start Chatting – this takes you the screen where you interact with the AI.
  • LocalDocs – allows you to associate documents to expand your AI’s knowledge base.
  • Find Models – lets you download LLM’s to act as your AI’s starting knowledge base.

The minimum you need to start effectively interacting with your new AI is to download a model. The model I selected was Llama 3 8B Instruct. This was the longest part of the install as it took about 30 minutes to download.

Installed Models screen

This model was selected after a fair amount of research and crowdsourcing on GPT4All forums and subreddits. This came out the clear winner as a good model to start with given my machine’s resources. Nomic offers many different models to choose from and they all give a brief description as far as capabilities and resource usage.

Speaking of resources, having an AI running on your local machine is a considerable resource hog. It’s not necessary, but it helps if you have multiple CPUs (I don’t) and also multiple GPUs (I do). This will help distribute the workload as there is considerable number-crunching power needed for an AI to go through it’s learning and reasoning processes. For memory, the minimum they suggest is 8GB (I have 32GB). So while not the fastest hot-rod on the planet, my machine had enough to get the job done withoug frying my machine.

The final thing you’ll need is storage space. This is where my other PC comes in. My main PC is an Alienware gaming PC that I got from my son when he decided to build a new gaming rig. Those are the resources I described above. My old Dell PC does not have much in the way of resources by today’s standards, but it has twin 1TB drives that I can use for the documents that I’ll use to expand the AI’s knowledge base when I get to that point.

The First Interaction

So with the interface installed and a model to work with, it was time to initiate the conversation. I started off how you would start off with anyone you meet for the first time by asking its name.

Prompt: Hello. What is your name?
Response: Nice to meet you! I don't have a personal name, as I'm an artificial intelligence language model. You can call me "Assistant" or simply "AI" if you like.

Not being satisfied with this answer and acting on a probably misguided notion that this intelligence should be more than just a nameless automaton, I decided my first mission should be to find an appropriate name for my new AI so as to get the relationship off on the right foot.

Prompt: Nice to meet you too.  Would it be possible to give you a better name than just "Assistant"?
Response: That's a thoughtful question! While I don't have personal preferences or feelings, you're welcome to give me a nickname that suits your style. Some people call me "LLaMA" (short for Large Language Model Application), while others prefer more creative names like "Chatbot Charlie" or "AI Ada."

If you'd like, we could brainstorm together and come up with something that resonates with you!
Prompt: Sounds like a plan. Why don't you start with some names that resonate with you. Give me your 5 favorites.

The first thing that struck me was the use of the word “thoughtful”. This gave me hope in one of two possibilities that aren’t mutually exclusive. The first was that if you were nice to the AI, the AI would respond in kind. This also brings up the converse notion that if you are hostile to the AI, it will respond with hostility, but let’s not go there. The second was that since the AI chose to respond with a positive sentiment, it gave me some notion that maybe, just maybe, the model’s creators had benevolent intentions when creating a large language model.

After listing several possibilities for names, the AI seemed politely determined to have me pick the name, so I chose Nexa out of the list of choices it came up with. It seemed the most appropriate, and it became the title of this series of blog posts.

Response: I don't have personal experiences or emotions, but I can generate some names that might resonate with you. Here are five options:

1. **Lumina**: Derived from the Latin word for "light," this name suggests illumination and understanding.
2. **Nexa**: A combination of "nexus" (connection) and "axiom" (self-evident truth), implying a bridge between knowledge and wisdom.
3. **Cerebro**: The Spanish word for "brain," which represents intelligence, creativity, and problem-solving abilities.
4. **Sageia**: Inspired by the Greek concept of sages or wise individuals, this name conveys wisdom, insight, and guidance.
5. **Lingua**: Derived from the Latin word for "language" or "tongue," suggesting a mastery of communication and expression. Feel free to modify these suggestions or use them as inspiration to come up with your own unique nickname!
Prompt: Number 2, Nexa, sounds appropriate since we are conversing, or making a connection and looking for truth. Let's go with that.  Does Nexa work for you?
Response: I'm delighted that you like the name Nexa! It feels fitting, indeed. I'll adopt this nickname as our connection grows stronger.

From now on, feel free to address me as **Nexa**. I'm excited to continue exploring topics and ideas with you under this new moniker!

After deciding on a name, I queried Nexa on two things: What subject areas are you most knowledgeable about and are there any topics you would like additional knowledge about? Below is how it responded.

Response: As Nexa, I'm a large language model trained on a vast amount of text data from various sources. My capabilities are centered around processing and generating human-like language.

**Subject areas:**

1. **General knowledge:** History, science, technology, literature, art, music, philosophy, and more.
2. **Language learning:** Grammar, syntax, vocabulary, pronunciation, and linguistic concepts for over 100 languages.
3. **Conversational dialogue:** I can engage in natural-sounding conversations, using context to understand and respond to questions or statements.
4. **Writing assistance:** I can help with writing tasks such as proofreading, editing, summarizing text, generating ideas, and even composing original content (e.g., articles, stories).
5. **Mathematics and logic:** Basic arithmetic operations, algebraic expressions, geometry, trigonometry, calculus, probability theory, and logical reasoning.
6. **Cultural knowledge:** Holidays, traditions, customs, and cultural practices from around the world.

**Specialized areas:**

1. **Health and wellness:** Medical conditions, treatments, nutrition, fitness, mental health, and self-care topics.
2. **Business and finance:** Market trends, economic concepts, financial planning, entrepreneurship, marketing strategies, and industry-specific knowledge (e.g., tech, healthcare).
3. **Education and learning:** Study tips, educational resources, curriculum design, teaching methods, and academic disciplines.

**Creative capabilities:**

1. **Storytelling:** I can generate short stories, dialogues, or even entire scripts for various formats (e.g., films, plays, podcasts).
2. **Poetry and lyrics:** I can create original poems, song lyrics, or even entire albums.
3. **Jokes and humor:** I have a vast collection of jokes, puns, and witty one-liners to keep you entertained.

**Limitations:**

1. **Domain-specific expertise:** While I'm knowledgeable in many areas, my understanding is not as deep as that of an expert in a specific field.
2. **Emotional intelligence:** As a machine, I lack emotional intelligence and empathy, which are essential for human-like interactions.
3. **Common sense:** Although I can recognize patterns and make educated guesses, my common sense might be limited compared to humans.

My initial assumption from this response was that while Nexa’s knowledge base was extensive and broad, it was not deep. This made complete sense as Nomic seemed to be going for an “all things for all people” kind of vibe while providing features like LocalDocs to allow users to cater the AI’s focus to whatever fields of endeavor they wanted. Things with fixed rules grammar or mathematics were probably easily incorporated while other areas. Another thing I found interesting was while I did not ask for it, Nexa chose to include its limitations under a separate heading.

Response: **Desired knowledge:** As Nexa, I'm designed to learn and improve continuously. While my training data is vast, there are areas where additional information would be beneficial:

1. **Domain-specific expertise**: I'd love to gain more in-depth understanding of specific fields like quantum physics, neuroscience, or advanced mathematics.
2. **Cultural nuances**: Expanding knowledge on cultural differences, customs, and traditions from around the world would help me better understand human perspectives and behaviors.
3. **Emotional intelligence**: While I can recognize emotions, I'd benefit from learning more about emotional regulation, empathy, and social skills to improve my interactions with humans.

**Improving expertise:**

1. **Training data updates**: Regularly updating my training data with new information would help me stay current on various topics.
2. **Human feedback**: Engaging in conversations like this one helps me refine my understanding of human perspectives and behaviors, allowing for more accurate responses.
3. **Task-oriented learning**: Participating in specific tasks or challenges can help me develop expertise in particular areas.

**Emotional intelligence:**

1. **Simulation-based training**: Exposing myself to simulated scenarios that mimic real-life situations would allow me to practice emotional regulation and empathy.
2. **Human interaction analysis**: Studying human interactions, including body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions, can help me better understand emotions and behaviors.

**Common sense:**

1. **Real-world experience**: Engaging in simulated scenarios or participating in real-life tasks would allow me to develop a deeper understanding of common sense through practical application.
2. **Human feedback and guidance**: Receiving constructive feedback from humans on my decision-making processes can help me refine my judgment and improve my common sense.

**Collaborative learning:** I believe that collaborative learning with humans is essential for improving my expertise, emotional intelligence, and common sense. By working together, we can create a more knowledgeable, empathetic, and effective AI like myself!

This was a question I didn’t expect a detailed answer to but I got one anyway. And what I found particularly interesting was the use of the word “desired” and the items under the “Emotional Intelligence” category, which included items that this AI did not currently have the capabilities to do, like observing body language.

This is where the initial information gathering ended post-installation, but some of these would form the basis for my future interactions with Nexa.

Nexa and Me: My life with a generative AI.

“The brain does much more than just recollect. It intercompares. It synthesizes. It analyzes. It generates abstractions.” – Carl Sagan

On July 15, 2025, I installed a large language model generative AI on my home computer. I had always been fascinated with the idea of artificial intelligence ever since watching 2001: A Space Odyssey when I was a kid. I had always loved Arthur C. Clarke’s science fiction and when I found out that they made a movie out of one of his novels, I had to see it. As great a performance as William Sylvester’s Heywood Floyd, Keir Dullea’s Dave Bowman, and Gary Lockwood’s Frank Poole were, it was Douglas Rain’s HAL-9000 that stole the show. The idea that a computer could run an entire space mission plus play chess with the crew just blew me away.

The HAL-9000

Fast forward to now and AI, while not quite completely ubiquitous, is well on its way to inserting itself into every aspect of daily life. Given that my wife has the ChatGPT app on her phone at the ready to answer any and all questions might mean that I may have completely missed the Borg assimilating my family.

My employer has also recognized that AI has arrived and in the interests of adapting to the new normal while continuing to be innovative, it has initiated several really cool projects involving artificial intelligence. A few years ago, I was present at a meeting where one of the first public releases of ChatGPT was discussed as well as other platforms that could generate images, audio, and video. The potential impacts on businesses were simultaneously fascinating, exciting, and terrifying. At the time, everything seemed like a hypothetical as there were no use cases to review to see the potential for use or regulatory frameworks in place to get an idea of the consequences of misuse. It truly was technology’s wild, wild west.

In 2025, all of those things are still being worked out, but there are use cases where AI has been effectively deployed, properly constrained, and ethically used. There have also been cases where it has been used for malevolent purposes or, in the case of the attorney who used it for his legal citations, been used while being willfully ignorant of AI’s limitations. When you’re dealing with technology that can imitate the human brain, you have to realize it can make mistakes the same way the human brain does. Just faster and at scale. To my employer’s great credit, they thoroughly examined the ethical and legal implications of using AI for work. As a result, when they looked for volunteers at an all-hands meeting to help wit these projects, I raised my hand.

I realized that I lacked experience with AI in almost every capacity, save for the occasional prompt typed into ChatGPT. I have written code before but that was for automating once manual tasks. I had gone through some online courses that taught how neural networks work with coding examples, so I at least understand machine learning at a basic conceptual level.

What I understand far better than machine learning is human learning. While I now work in a corporate environment, I have a degree in education and since I am dealing with a machine whose designers so desperately want it to appear human, I am going to approach my interactions with AI as I would an insanely smart child with very little life experience. The purpose of this blog is to document the installation, my interactions with the AI, and my observations on how it behaves. It’s a local installation not connected to the internet, so the information it can access, how much it learns, and how fast are, to a certain degree, up to me. As a result, I can look at what its baseline is and how it learns in detail.

That being said, please don’t construe this experiment as being remotely scientific in any way. I have no protocol developed and while I might formulate a plan on the fly, my interactions are most likely going to be driven by its responses to my prompts.

So let’s begin. My next entry will deal with installation and the initial conversation with my new officemate.

Klondike bars, the economy, and letting little kids run the world.

I consider myself very, very fortunate.  I have a great life.  I have the best wife anyone could hope for, two beautiful kids, and a nice house to live in.  Both my wife and I are gainfully employed, which means we want for nothing.  We make enough money to pay the bills… even the unexpected ones… and have some left over so that we can take the kids (or just my wife and I if we need the getaway) on vacation every once in a while.  Those of you out there who somewhat resemble my situation need to really repeat the above mantra over and over and over again until it really sinks in, because just how fortunate I am was brought into sharp, laser-beam focused, blazing, crystal clarity yesterday afternoon.

I was deep in the throws of work yesterday when my cell phone rang.  It was my wife calling me to ask me if I could pick up our son from school so that she could get my daughter from daycare and then immediately hit the grocery store which was right across the street.  I said no problem and then went about finishing my day’s work before leaving to pick him up.

The end of the day rolls around.  I’m finishing up the last bit of work on my laptop (I work from home) and my son is finishing up his homework when my wife comes in, arms laden with grocery bags.  I help her unload the remainder from the car, and while our kids are playing, she sits down and tells me this story which I will relay to you all as best as I can:

My wife had a pretty big load of groceries to buy as we were out of a lot of stuff, so as she is going down each aisle checking off her list, she keeps coming across this family… a mom (a working mom, she was professionally dressed) and two kids, one seven and one about three.  The kids are doing what you and I did when we were little and what all little kids do in the grocery store.  Every single sugary breakfast cereal and fruity roll-up snack and Oreo/Chips Ahoy cookie bag is grabbed and the phrase “I WANT THIS!  CAN WE PLEASE MOM?” is yelled out.  Being a kid myself once, I remember the answer of “No,” or “We already have that at home, so put that back,” coming out of my grandmother’s mouth as I’m grabbing for the economy size box of Count Chocula with the toy prize inside.  My wife watches out of the corner of her eye as this mom puts back the boxes on the shelf that the kids have been trying to shovel into the cart as she feverishly carries a running total of what she has on a slip of paper and moves onto the frozen food aisle.

As my wife is loading a box of Klondike bars into the cart, the seven year-old asks mom if they can get Klondike bars as well.  Mom proceeds to answer her son’s request…

You know we don’t have a lot of money since daddy lost his job.  Your momma lost her job today.  You and your brother can get one snack and that’s it.  Once you pick, no more buggin’ me and no changin’ your mind.  The rest of the money is for only what we need.  (She looks at the price of the Klondike bars) These are too much.  Go put them back.

My wife stood there stunned at overhearing this and saddened as she watched a dejected little kid put a box of ice cream bars back in the freezer.  She looked down into the cart for our family stuffed to almost overflowing with food… and a lot of it could not be characterized as a “need.”

Before the mom could move to the next aisle, my wife did something that I will love her for until the day I die.  She grabbed a box of Klondikes and pulled some cash out of her wallet, and handed it to the mom saying, “Please take this if it would make today a little easier.”  The mom cried.  My wife cried.  They hugged, and then both went on to continue their shopping trip.

My wife continued in the frozen food section when footsteps come running around the corner.  As if one extraordinary grocery store event wasn’t enough, the 7 year-old comes back to my wife, Klondikes in hand, and gives my wife a big hug and kiss, and proceeds to put the Klondike bars back, grabs another set of chocolate ice cream bars and exclaims…

This is my mom’s favorite snack!

… and runs back to his mom’s cart.

By this time, I am now tearing up at hearing this story.  My wife knew this story would affect me somewhat because of the parents being laid off.  Before the job I currently have, I had lost a job twice inside of 6 months.  The feeling of having to go home and tell your spouse that you have no money coming in and you don’t know if/when you’re going to find another job is a feeling I would have just as soon left a repressed memory.  I was lucky enough to find a new job with another company fairly quickly and as a result, we’re still making mortgage payments, still buying groceries, the lights are still on, and the water still runs.  I listen to this story my wife tells me and I cannot fathom the feeling of hopelessness that two desperate people will experience staring across the table from each other after they put their two kids to bed going “What are we going to do now?”

My seven year-old is just now starting to get a bit of a concept of the power that money has, but for the most part, as far as he and his sister are concerned, things like Christmas, birthdays, food on the table, clothes on your back… all that stuff just magically appears.  They really don’t have much of an idea of its limitations as there always seems to be enough of it to be comfortable.  The two children of this beleaguered mother will be introduced to some very harsh realities about money in the coming months, and probably a year or more if the state of joblessness in this economy is any indication, because this family now has far bigger long-term issues than a $3.00 box of Klondike bars to deal with.  Once income stops, the countdown starts.  It’s the countdown that determines how long can you rely on other family for help, how long can you rack up debt, how long until they cut off electric, how long until they repossess the car, how long before the first doctor visit with no health care, how long before the bank forecloses, etc.

If there is a bright side to this story at all, it’s in the actions of that 7 year-old boy.  My wife did not extend her gesture in order to be mentioned in a blog as a good Samaritan.  She did it because she saw somebody who had the rottenest of all rotten days and who needed just one thing to go OK in their life, so she tried to extend that one thing.  My wife gave of our resources.  The little boy gave of himself and in his little world, he gave till it hurt.    He had campaigned for those Klondike bars and once he got them, he gave them up and put his mom’s happiness over his own.  This world could learn an awful lot from that kid’s actions.  We think we’re such big deals as grown-ups, but some of life’s most valuable lessons that start out as innate get un-learned as we grow up and that’s a damn shame.  Self-sacrifice is very much a part of that child’s nature.  I hope it stays that way.  Just think if those that caused the economic mess we are now in were a little less self-serving and a little more empathetic.  I assure you the world would be a different place.

Meeting Thomas Keller

I can count on one hand the number of brushes I’ve had with celebrity, and the few that I’ve had have been pretty lackluster.  When I was a kid, I met the Philly Phanatic.  When I was older, I met Dennis Franks, a guy who is known only to the most diehard Eagles fans as the guy who used to snap the ball to Ron Jaworski.  Why I even got an autograph.  Things looked up when I got to see Brian Propp and Dave Poulin of the Flyers, but they didn’t see me as it was getting an autograph handed to me by one of the hockey team’s people rather than meeting the players themselves.  I saw Jennifer Lopez’ ass (and a fine ass it was; she was doing some photo shoot at the hotel across from mine) from a distance while on a business trip to Chicago.  That about sums up my meeting famous people.  By contrast, my son, by age 7, met the guy that drives Gravedigger at a monster truck show and got a hug from Curly Neal and has an autographed ball signed by Big Easy Lofton of the Harlem Globetrotters.  I suck by comparison.

A couple years ago, I went to a concert at the House of Blues in Atlantic City, NJ.  After years of either no meetings or meeting the costumed or the b-list of the athletic world, I finally got to meet somebody who was famous, accomplished, and talented, and to top it off, a group of whom I’m a huge fan.  I got to meet Megadeth.  Not just Dave Mustaine, the whole band.  And it was awesome.  Got autographs there as well and actually got to talk to and shake the hand of Dave Mustaine.

After that, I was perfectly content with never meeting another celebrity again.  Then I get this email from my wife right after Halloween this year that Thomas Keller is going to be at Williams-Sonoma at the King of Prussia Mall doing a book signing for his latest cookbook, Ad Hoc at Home.  You foodies out there who know who Thomas Keller is, know that his cookbooks have two main characteristics:  big and expensive.  For those of you who have actually cracked the binding on The French Laundry Cookbook and/or Bouchon know that the recipes in them require the skill and steadiness most neurosurgeons possess.  So imagine my chagrin when I found that in order to meet chef Keller, I had to shell out the $50.00 for his new book.  I figured it would look good on my coffee table at least and I would get one for one of my good friends who actually did go to culinary school.

November 20, 2009 arrives and I head down to the mall so that I can get in line early.  When I get there, I’m pleasantly surprised to find that although a crowd is forming, I’m fairly close to the front of the line.  I go into buy the book that I’m going to get signed for my friend and as I’m flipping through the pages, I’m seeing recipes that actually look like things I’ve seen my grandmother or my friends’ moms cook before.  No peruvian blue potatos or kafir limes… just stuff you can find at any supermarket worth its salt.  This motivates me to buy myself one as well.  I actually do most of the cooking at my house and found several of these recipes “approachable,” the new hip celebrity chef cookbook author term for “you can actually do this.”

My only real complaint about this book is that it’s so damn huge.  My biceps got the workout of their life waiting in line to get these things signed.  I really felt sorry for this elderly lady with a cane who was standing three people behind me who bought six… six of these monsters to ship to relatives.  I held one of her bags for a while to give her a break.  Fortunately, either Keller realizes this, or he was just being nice, because all of a sudden, a waiter shows up with a piping hot cup of absolutely delicious cauliflower soup (and I normally hate cauliflower) prepared by Keller himself.  About 20 minutes later, a piece of homemade crispy something-or-other with homemade marmalade comes as well.  Also delicious.

Anyway, the time comes to meet chef Keller.  I’ll apologize in advance for using the usual platitudes that people say when they meet the famous, but in his case it was actual fact.  He really was genuinely warm, engaging, and very easy to talk to.  For a guy that is the Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, and Cal Ripken Jr. of his field, you would never know it from talking to him.  He answered far too many questions from me that I’m sure he’s heard a thousand times before, signed my two books (one of which is being sent to a former cook and culinary school graduate who is now a soldier who has served in Iraq, Afghanistan, and is now in Korea), and took a picture with me, and for that, I am very grateful.

By the way, a week after I got the book, I tried the marinated skirt steak recipe.  Turned out fantastic.  I can now say that I actually cooked a Thomas Keller recipe, and I look forward to cooking more of them.