Posts Tagged ‘bp’

Public Relations 101

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Life experience tells us that far more is learned from failure than from success.  If that truly is the case, the way BP is handling itself during this the largest environmental crisis in this country’s history is as educationally worthwhile as sitting at the feet of a demented Aristotle.  The next time your company has a disaster where damage control is necessary, just watch what BP did and do the exact opposite, and you’ll be fine.  Let’s look at a few examples from BP’s handbook:

1.  Always underestimate the impact of the actual damage.

2. Always conceal the sources of the actual damage.

3.  Never admit the impact of the damage on its surroundings.

4.  Make your executives and their spokespeople invisible for as long as possible.

5.  When it’s not possible anymore, speak to those you’ve affected in the most condescending tone possible.

6.  When your company has the brains and capabilities to build this…

… make sure to put the reigns on that kind of innovation and engineering so that Bubba and Cletus from Bumfuck GodKnowsWhere can beat you to the punch on ideas for fixing your giant mess.

6.  Make sure you have a long trail of past incompetence, negligence and ineptitude to distract from the current incompetence, negligence, and ineptitude.

7.  Finally, and this is of utmost importance, don’t forget to give yourself a bonus.

Following these simple guidelines will guarantee a firestorm of seemingly never-ending press coverage for your company as well as billions in expenditures and years of bad P.R.

Dear BP, Just wanna say sorry for accidentally getting our ocean all over your oil.

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In what bizarro paralell universe does BP deserve an apology for the mess that they created through a combination of negligence, mismanagement and overall apathy?  Apparently, Joe Barton, global warming denier and recipient of oil company largess, thinks they deserve one.

I want to know when the hearings for the animals that swallowed up the oil will start.  The nerve that those brown pelicans and sea turtles stealing the Gulf’s most precious natural resource!

More photos from the BP oil spill.

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BP needs to pay dearly for this.

Get ready for several decades of this. Thanks BP!

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Photos too depressing to describe. Imagine someone coming into your house and dumping this much oil on top of you.  Now leave it that way for 10+ years.  Welcome to what wildlife along the Gulf of Mexico will be experiencing.