Life experience tells us that far more is learned from failure than from success. If that truly is the case, the way BP is handling itself during this the largest environmental crisis in this country’s history is as educationally worthwhile as sitting at the feet of a demented Aristotle. The next time your company has a disaster where damage control is necessary, just watch what BP did and do the exact opposite, and you’ll be fine. Let’s look at a few examples from BP’s handbook:
2. Always conceal the sources of the actual damage.
3. Never admit the impact of the damage on its surroundings.
5. When it’s not possible anymore, speak to those you’ve affected in the most condescending tone possible.
6. When your company has the brains and capabilities to build this…
… make sure to put the reigns on that kind of innovation and engineering so that Bubba and Cletus from Bumfuck GodKnowsWhere can beat you to the punch on ideas for fixing your giant mess.
6. Make sure you have a long trail of past incompetence, negligence and ineptitude to distract from the current incompetence, negligence, and ineptitude.
7. Finally, and this is of utmost importance, don’t forget to give yourself a bonus.
Following these simple guidelines will guarantee a firestorm of seemingly never-ending press coverage for your company as well as billions in expenditures and years of bad P.R.